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December 2007

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Dec. 15th, 2007

identity

During these days, in a country without a government since the elections 188 days ago and the common subject of a possible seperation (that will not happen), makes you wonder.

Who you are and where you come from depends from where you are and to who you talk. I'm from the seaside if I talk to people from Ghent, I'm flemish when I'm at a show in Liège, I'm from Belgium when I hitchhike down to Czech Republic, and I'm European when I share my floor with people from Singapore.

And we're all the same.

Sep. 29th, 2007

(no subject)

So everything got back to normal. I'm back, after hours of waiting for a car to pick us up and thousands of kilometers in a packed van with my friends. I manage. Loads of stories, and I might write 'em down, s

Everything's changing so fast, and it's hard to keep up.

I'm only back for a week now, and I'm making new plans already. I guess I figured that life is what you make from it, and that the time is now. I won't hesitate. I won't look back.

Aug. 22nd, 2007

Why I work, why I'm broke.

A.

3th OF FEBRUARY, 2008

1. BRUSSELS - ATLANTA: 10:10am - 2:10pm
2. ATLANTA - LIMA: 5:15pm - 11:49pm

4th OF FEBRUARY, 2008

3. LIMA - CUZCO: 10am - 11:15am





B.

20th OF FEBRUARY, 2008

1. CUZCO - LIMA: 3:05pm - 4:25pm

21th OF FEBRUARY, 2008

2. LIMA - ATLANTA: 00:20am - 7:10am
3. ATLANTA - NEW YORK: 9:45am - 00:08pm
4. NEW YORK - BRUSSELS: 7:10pm - 09:00am

Jun. 25th, 2007

(no subject)

I'm off. No entries for the upcoming month, I suppose.

Check here to keep track of my travelling: http://blog.myspace.com/testicletomas

Jun. 17th, 2007

Here it goes.

It's been a while since I wrote in here, due to a lack of time. But I guess I have a few things to share. Lift off.



I. Experiences that make our lives more weird than it already was.

For my final project for school, I had to photograph numerous christian statues, for which my quests often lead to religious places. Whenever I entered one of them, I realized how peaceful and quiet it was there. Once I took my bike on this bright day and headed for some sacred place in a little village close to Ghent. After crossing some small forests and lonely fields, I arrived. It felt surreal. There were this wooden benches around this sacred statue embedded in a 'cave', surrounded by trees. There were some people sitting down and praying, some were lighting candles, or some wandered around, like me. It was one of the most quiet places i've ever been at. I sat down aside, next to a tree, watching people come and go.

Suddenly this group of nuns arrived, and started praying. One of them was surprisingly young, and beautiful. She was surely younger than thirty, dressed well... and seemed deeply religious, praying with her eyes closed, speaking some soft words whenever she light a candle.
She clearly felt the presence of god, or at least something that can compare to that. I wondered how that must feel. And why she does what she's doing, what she feels and what it is that's so big to dedicate all her life and mind to it. She's a young woman, raised in this modern world... but still. It seemed she was in touch with something bigger than I could ever grasp.
I wanted to go over and talk to her about, but I could only sit down, watch her and wonder.

As I rode back with my bike, and the wind touched my skin, I felt relieved. Somehow.



II. Everything. Everyone. Everywhere. Ends.

I've been obsessed by Alan Ball's famous serie "Six Feet Under" the past few weeks. I made it to the end of the fifth and last season. It's only serie that moves my emotions so much, the only one where I can identify myself with the characters so deeply, the only one that got me so often (so close) to crying. Full of comforting sadness, and ever-present hope.
It's just another escape, but it makes our lives more sad. As if our emotions and experiences will never be as intense as they have.



III.
I might make less entries during the upcoming months. Partly because I'll be pretty much hitchhiking through europe from next monday 'till the end of july, but mainly 'cause I'm saving a lot of my writings. I'm working on this diy zine that should be out by the beginning of september, ready to invade Europe as I'll be on tour together with Black Heart Rebellion. I'll let you know when the time is there.

Apr. 16th, 2007

(no subject)

"In situations without sleep, even the ticking of a clock can seem deafening."

Apr. 13th, 2007

(no subject)



/
So after surviving the hectic traffic of Paris, we met our Slovenians under the Eiffel tower... uncomfortably surrounded by soldiers armed with machineguns for our 'safety'. Hanged around at the park, met various of people, desperately asking for a place to sleep. Without any succes, so we were forced to spend our night in the cars.

Next day we woke up pretty soon, got ourselves some tea and wandered through the streets of Paris, as what's supposed from tourists. With some delay I met Pieter at centre pompidou; meeting friends from Slovenia and Barcelona in Paris, there are no borders.
When the night covered the Eiffel tower, we had no place to sleep again. We asked some people again, but none of this worked out. I decided to sleep on the streets, so together with Neven & Chiel we wandered around finding some open doors. For some unknown reason this information centre for busses was not locked, so we sneaked in and got us a warm place to sleep.

Around 7am this dude walked in, and disappeared again. We gathered our stuff, and ran. I figured how to go on the metro for free, and together with Stephanie and Jure I escaped to visit Montmartre, to climb to the Sacré Coeur, 'cause we all know this is the best view of Paris.
Back at the venue, the dudes from La Quiete arrived and we hang out together. It's weird how we get used to each other so quickly. The venue was a boat, and it had an uncomforting atmosphere. The drinks were 5 euro, they had security guys checking for weapons, and the stage reached 'till my niples. This was not where we belonged to.
I was afraid to see La Quiete on this stage... but by the first chords I climbed up, and soon Slovenians & Belgians took over the stage. And oh yes, we made pyramids.
The show was over, and we said goodbye to our beloved Italians, with smiles on our faces. I couldn't care less where I slept tonight, so I spent the night at some construction site. The coldest night, but the best so far.

We woke up, try to wash ourselves and went off to the cemetry of Lachaise. After some falling asleep in the grass, I took off with Chiel to wander the surrounding streets. Later on we all met at the car, and headed for the venue for tonight's show. After our second GPS-attempt we achieved to get to the venue, what turned out to be some squat. We were all terribly tired, but Daitro played one of the best shows I ever saw.

This was the end, and we said once again goodbye to our beloved ones, knowing that we would meet again soon. Without any maps our directions we managed by trial-and-error to reach our homes, our own beds.



//
Paris was great — but since it was the second time i was there, I can say once you've seen it, you've seen it —, but I don't like the people. It seems they're indoctrinated by a culture of fear. Fear for the unknown, for strangers. They live in this multi-cultural metropole, with millions of inhabitants, and it seems they all live on their narrow isles. They have all these opportunities, but they neglect their existence. Maybe it's 'cause they don't have this rural culture as we have, where we need to bridge distances to satisfy our needs; where we are more dependend on others for our existence. Though not all of the peolpe I talked to were like this, but maybe it's just not a coincedence they all lived abroad for some time.
There's no way I could ever survive in cities like these.



///
I have lot's of thoughts rushing through my head. I need to figure them out, somehow.

Mar. 14th, 2007

No words

part 1 • Ghent - Köln

At 6 pm we left Ghent and headed for our first goal: the Mütze venue in Köln. Since it was on our way to our ultimate goal, seeing La Quiete once again in München, we first went there to check out a show and get some sleep.
Since we had no map or GPS with us, we pretty much got lost somewhere in Köln... after driving circles for an hour I saw our dutch friend Chiel, who hitchhiked his way to Köln, walking down the street. We pulled over, ran out and hugged him like never before.
Arriving finally at the venue, it looked pretty weird. Imagine 40-year old people, spending their days drinking beer, disappearing in the very bad decoration of an uncomfortable bar. But in the back there were bands playing and Benjamin (Louise Cyphre, he was setting up the show) let us in pretty cheap. We only saw the last band playing, which was Make Believe. Weird is the most suitable description here. A guitarist looking like your everyday tourist, a singer with a fat belly making the weirdest moves i've ever seen before, ... A drummer who customized his drumset and added a keyboard to it, playing both at the very same time. But after two songs they conquered my heart.
After the show some girl, Anike, told us we could stay over at her apartment. Turned out she wasn't staying here and just opened the door for us, 5 complete strangers from Belgium. I loved her so much 'cause of that. We wandered around the house, checked out her record colletion, and stole a little bit of food, but left some money for her when we left in the morning, after a short night of 4 hours.


part 2 • Köln - München

So we left around 9 in the morning. As we drove for hundreds of kilometers on the highway, i realized again how different and beautiful the highway-landscapes are in Germany. Unfortunately an overdose of huge Mac-Donalds signs pollutes the skylines.
Anyway, we drove for 600 kilometers on the very same highway and finally arrived in München. As if it was a miracle, we found the venue immediately.
Waiting for my dear Slovenians, our Italian friends from La Quiete arrived, so we hung out together. As I suddenly saw somebody in the distance with a confused walk asking for directions, i was pretty sure it was Neven, so I screamed FUCKING SLOVENIANS to my beloved ones. We all hugged and everything was perfect again, the connection re-united in Germany. Together we waited for the show to start.


part 3 • La Quiete

June Paik and Louise Cyphre were up first, but they couldn't grab my attention, since it was all about La Quiete.
They struck their first chords, confetti filled the air and we all got smacked to the stage. I pushed away those monitors, got on the stage, got rid of my shoes and lost myself. The one moment I was hitting my hand on the stage till it hurt, the other moment I was buried under legs and arms. The one moment I was on top of a pyramid, touching the ceiling, the other moment I was sitting on the stage, staring in the distance.
Suddenly I had this moment, I was just looking straight forward and I realized there was no band, no audience, no stage. It was just us escaping. I realized the people around me on the stage were Slovenians and Belgians... I hugged them, squeezed their hands, gave high-fives. We're distanced by 1300 kilometers, 14 hours of driving, but yet they are so close to my heart. Lately I've been thinking about what 'home' is all about... but I think I might have experienced it right there, on that very moment.
The show was over and couldn't do anything else than sit down, staring with empty eyes. I felt so content, so fulfilled. We were silent, 'cause we all knew these moments were special and very rare.


part 4 • München - Ghent

After spending the night with 'the connection', we left Kafe Kult after making a pyramid. Goodbye's came, we hugged and left for the highway. The 10 hour drive home felt like 3 hours. After spending most of the ride listening to La Quiete's records and me and Stephanie stealing the gas station restaurants and shops, we arrived in Ghent.
I felt like screaming to everybody how unbelievable this weekend was, but I knew words couldn't catch anything. I stuck to 'best show ever, best roadtrip ever'.





24 hours later plans were settled for seeing La Quiete in Paris, and meeting our Slovenians there. There's no point in staying where you are.



"The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page." (Augustinus)

Feb. 17th, 2007

la fin non e la fin

part 1 • Slovenia

Arriving on the airport we faced some delay, evolving from 20 minutes to 3 hours. Forced to spend 4 hours of waiting in the terminal, we killed time by talking shit, stealing internet, eating fat food, drawing, hating other people and watching movies. We arrived in Slovenia around 23h and Mitja saved our night. A bit later than planned, I hugged the bitch and my beloved Slovenians. Everything always turns out okay, as it seems.

The next day I arrived after a very long train-ride in Koper, and all I could do was counting down for La Quiete. As I fall on the floor and hit my hands and feet 'till they hurt, I can hardly describe what emotions are crossing your body on that moment. Rok does a pretty good attempt, though: "My hands fall to the floor as I am screaming in a language I don't speak. I look around me, tens upon tens of faces yelling with me. We are in coherence as we exchange sweat, tears, blood and love, and we don't really know eachother well. In this instance, we are infinite. In reality this lasts only for an hour, but in my mind the scenes are forever, and sometimes, at night, they're the softest comfort. This is our youth, this is us dancing the resistance. It's me falling in love. It's me falling in love, getting beaten down, fucked, raped, and finding beauty in all of this. It's falling in love with life." In those very rare moments, I can truely feel alive.

The days went by, hanging out anywhere, wandering the streets, taking trains, reading books in libraries, getting lost in unknown cities, disappearing in a crowd that speaks words I do not know. And it all feels so good, every time again, it all feels so good.

When the time presses we let distance take over again, and I say goodbye to a country that does not feel foreign anymore. And the very minute after that, we miss the left behinds already.

Not wanting to pay too much money for getting our asses home, me and Chiel decided to hitchhike our way back to Ghent. After getting a first ride in the direction of Brussels, we got pretty much stuck on some gas station. Since we had to change highway on a point where most people just enter the city, we waited and waited. Finally we got one, and the moment I stepped into the car I didn't feel at ease. Hitchhiking rule number 1 goes as follows: "Whenever your inner voice says something is not right, get out of the car". But the night had come, our opportunities were drying out and the car was driving 140 km's an hour anyway; so getting out of it alive was no option. As the guy started drinking beer in his fancy car and asking for drugs, starting to tell weird stories about hitchhiking Russians who spend some nights at his house; we got pretty much scared and convinced the guy to drop us at the very first gas station. We survived it all, and a nice girl picked us up, heading for the centre of Ghent. She turned out to be a known radio-presentator for belgian's national radio and we had a real nice chat about music and studies. Hitchhiking is most good.

Arriving in the appartment, we decided to climb the roof and watch the dark skyline of the city. 4 hours before we were on the other side of Europe, right then we were standing on the top of a roof of a city that just never sleeps. As I stood there, watching the tiny people crossing the streets, the lights getting smaller as they reached the horizons; I realized that I felt safe. In a city, so big, so crowded by so many different people; nobody cares if you're standing on a rooftop, nobody cares what street you cross, nobody cares what's going on in your mind. We can just so easily disappear in the crowd, and it feels so comforting.


Today I took the train home, wanted too smack too many people. When I arrived, first thing I did was dropping my bags, and got into the shower, sitting down and letting the water discover my exhausted body. There's no better thing than travelling in life, there's just no better thing.


Right now I'm drinking the last sips of my Fructal Premium apple juice, enjoying Slovenia's sweet taste. I just decided I'm going to the musicinmind festival this night in Bruges. I'll see The Album Leaf, The Samuel Jackson Five and EF. Most good.

this is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time



part 2 • Something

I felt so much fear for going this time. So much. The expected came and it hit hard, so hard. Things I don't know how to place in a image i can't see. And now I feel fear for people asking questions I don't want to answer. I feel fear so much. But deep inside I feel now this might be not that bad. We'll be okay in the end, I know that.


* Fuck, this hurts so much.
- know it hurts. But it's life, and it's real. And sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's life, and it's pretty much all we got.

Feb. 6th, 2007

M & K




They seem so happy. The guy screaming, the girl smiling. I love it so much.

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